I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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