Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I only spent $42 at the bar last night, it's some sort of miracle.
you do remember it was dollar beer night, right?
That answers my next five questions
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
