New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
