it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
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