It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Either this is the best sandwich I've ever had, or my stomach is just relieved to have something in it that's not Red Bull or semen.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
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