I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
I finally figured out how to tighten my bra straps and I feel like a god
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
