we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
You should frame my arrest warrant.
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
