I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
no more duck duck goose at the bar
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You kept calling yourself a spider monkey... Then ran to the bathroom to "prepare for the main event"
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
