i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Best sex of my life. But I think it's because I like his apartment. Really nice bed sheets. High vaulted ceilings. I wanted to lay there forever.
You're getting old. Was it located in a nice school district for your future offspring?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
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