every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I came downstairs to find I had missed the 3some on my kitchen floor but not the pukefest or ER trip after it. This is what happens when the voice of reason is otherwise occupied
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
