4 words: hood of his car
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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