Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I'm sorry but I have to break up with you. My wife is pregnant and can't have a girlfriend too.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Randomize
