How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
She's yelling about threesomes and realllly wants you to come over. Put the pieces together.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize