You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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