She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
