don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Couch. On fire.
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
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