Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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