Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
you were huddled over the toilet, throwing up, and every few seconds you'd look up and say "this is such a waste of vodka" then put your head back down and start puking again
Randomize
