Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
Every concussion has its silver lining
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
the voting booth dude cock blocked me or she woulda totally blown me in the voting booth.
Randomize
