Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
why does every cop we meet know your name?
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
