I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
