That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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