Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I just sucked dick on a ferry
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
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