"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
you can't exactly throw up or pass out at the pentagon so i had to pull my shit together
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
She bought a fucking hedgehog. And that's just the tip of the crazy iceberg.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
