i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
Just threw up in the MSO airport men's room. We're at that point this morning.
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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