Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
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