i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
And apparently I was the one that started the drunken make out session that broke the window
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
Randomize
