I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
When this bachelor party is over and your life is in ruins, you have my permission to die.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
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