oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
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