K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
she didnt realize that i was putting on the same condom i used the night before with some other girl
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize
