Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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