She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Randomize
