Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
Randomize