so tomorrow. i'm thinking coinstar then adderall?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
You ever have a fart follow you around?
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
