apparently the secret to your success is patron
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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