Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I'm going to show my kids 2 girls 1 cup just to scare them away from porn
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
this guy had a colored tattoo of Chucky on his leg, whatever drugs he does, i want them
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
