i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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