I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
If i spent $300 & took that thing home i would hate myself today.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
We're drinking vodka. Wine is for people who have to wake up in the morning.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
