We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
Randomize
