hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
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