Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
Is it because I queefed?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
Randomize
