Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
Yup we found her. The bouncer was carrying her out
Randomize
