I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
When we do our power hour over Skype I'm just going to sit on the toilet so that way I won't have to get up in the middle of it and miss any shots
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I asked him to sing a song so he couldn't hear me throwing up as he was holding my hair
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
