FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
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