he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
