Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
