Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Pagan metal show. There is a folk dance happening in the mosh pit. Also, I have no idea where we are.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
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