do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Randomize
