OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
