and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
is wine microwaveable?
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
Randomize
