I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Just so you know, a 6'7" tall gay man, with a martini in one hand and a fairy wand in the other, is not a force to be reckoned with...don't ask.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Just got a Lifeproof case for Christmas so hold on and tell me how my shower nudes look
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