I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
Randomize
