were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
