This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
Randomize
