I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
mondays should just be called national damage control day
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
Randomize