I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
