sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
i went to a real vip club. the bathroom attendant was wiping down counters after girls wearing gucci did lines of coke on them. where did MY life go wrong
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Randomize
