We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
