I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
So i know i shouldnt being spending random large amnts of money...but i just bought a sword.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
