i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Randomize
