I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Next Halloween, remind me to find a different wingman. Walking out in your pirate costume talking like Captain Ahab while i was banging her and telling me I had to harpoon the white whale really pissed her off.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
