did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
He was visibly upset that you'd rather eat nachos than have sex with him.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
You know the force is loosing strength when Darth Vader can't handle his liquor on halloween.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
