I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
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