I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
Did you pee in the oven last night??
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
