I'm jealous of your bromance
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Me too. We could do it like prostitutes. No kissing on the mouth.
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
Randomize
