70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I'm about to tackle a 10 year old off a sea doo
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Randomize
