I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
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