I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I'm wearing your poncho, and only your poncho. I'm not getting pulled over like this.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
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