Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
Bullshit. No way. If I brushed past your penis it was completely coincidental.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize
