i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
Randomize
