I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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